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Why Can’t I Just Be a Perfectionist?

Why Can’t I Just Be a Perfectionist?

Being a perfectionist is not about things being perfect, it is about thinking things need to be perfect and pursuing those. Emotionally, this means instead of living your life in a place of acceptance, perfectionists are on a treadmill chasing the feeling of having it all be ‘right.’ Even if a perfectionist smiles on the outside, frustration, exhaustion, and unappreciation can make you feel like you’re not enough. Learn some tips and tools to figure out why being a perfectionist may not help you and how to fix it.

Belief Systems

When you look at a perfectionist belief system, it can help to uncover the hallmarks of that belief system:

  • You are not okay for who you are
  • No matter what you do you’re not enough
  • Things in life are black and white, no vaguely defined areas or in between spaces
  • You believe you are only making everything perfect on the outside
  • Continual achievement will make you feel like you still failed
  • You are competitive about everything
  • You secretly judge people who fall short of perfection
  • You imagine others admire and value you for your high level of achievement and production

It seems like perfection would lead to more perfection but the opposite is often true. Rather than success and peace, it can bring other challenges.

Relationship Troubles

It is hard to be in a relationship with a perfectionist. The expectations and demands are so high, the partners feel inadequate and pressured. It can feel disappointing and the person who is a perfectionist may be resentful and develop passive-aggressive tendencies.

Anxiety and Fear

Perfectionists live with continuous anxiety about what needs to happen. The response is to work harder and accomplish more, thus leaving them more exhausted and miserable.

Shame

Intolerance of mess and disorganization can get perfectionists into a mess of their own making. They believe the outside world needs to look a certain way, which means everything will be safer inside. This often gets them away from feelings of toxic shame and leads to a messy, painful and difficult to resolve feeling of never being good enough.

The reason why it is not healthy to just accept total perfectionism is because nobody and nothing is perfect. There is always gray area, room for improvement. If you have to constantly work to earn love and prove your worth, you will exhaust yourself on the hamster wheel that will steal joy and peace from your life. It may even lead to addiction to substances as a way to cope. Lasting change comes from understanding and shifting what’s inside. You can never hustle your way into self-love or love from others. It takes grace and inner peace to wrestle with your own perfectionism and seek help when you are struggling.

If you are struggling in the pursuit of perfection and find yourself at the doorstep of addiction, call us. We will help you find a better way of coping with your habits and challenges in life. Whether it’s traditional therapies, alternative therapies, or something else, we will help you find what you need. Call us 24/7 at our toll-free number: 866-294-9401